POSTCARD FROM A PERPLEXING PLANET by Theolonius McTavish

POSTCARD FROM A PERPLEXING PLANET by Theolonius McTavish

(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the White Elephant Express Space Shuttle, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

IT (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average oddball exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their right mind would be interested in visiting a planet called IT. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the right answer, I didnt give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, IT is a must-see for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.

As planets go, IT is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception the welcome notice that reads, Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the GalaxyHome to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!

IT is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made IT strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but dont be deceived. In reality, theyre just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They dont play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!

To put "IT" bluntly, life on IT is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- IT is about as fun as bag of toads!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called IT in a galaxy named Have-a-Nice-Day!!

__________

*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".

If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.
About the Author
Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com

How Glow Sticks Work by Mrs. Party... Gail Leino

How Glow Sticks Work by Mrs. Party... Gail Leino

How Glow Sticks Work...

Glow sticks are fun party supplies. When sending out your party invitations, think of the interesting Chemistry involved with your party favors.Glow sticks work by a chemical reaction called chemiluminescence which causes light to be generated. (That's a trivia question for some party games!) By breaking up the word chemiluminescence into 2 parts, chemi and luminescence we can better understand.

Luminescence is emission of light not caused by a rise in temperature (the object emitting light stays cold). The light is released by atoms returning from "excited" (charged) state to normal "ground" state. It means, an object which glows, first must absorb energy to get into "excited state." That energy will be released (in form of light) by the object returning to the ground state of energy. The energy can be supplied in many ways, but in our particular case of glow sticks the energy is supplied by a chemical reaction (what makes the "chemi" in chemiluminescence). Typical glow sticks as chemical reactants use a hydrogen peroxide solution (which is called the "activator"), a solution of phenyl oxalate ester and a fluorescent dye (which makes the
color). The activator is stored in a thin glass capsule. When the glass capsule is broken by flexing a glow stick the activator is released, and mixing the components (shaking the glow stick) initiates the reaction. Depending on components used, the chemical reaction can last (glow sticks can glow) from a few minutes to many hours. When using glow sticks as party supplies, wait until that last moment to shake them. Heating the glow sticks(providing extra energy) will speed up the reaction, what will result in brighter light but will shorten the glow time. The reaction will slow down in low temperatures the light will dim, but the glow time will be longer. For any party theme including Mardi Gras party, Luau Party, Cowboy Hats theme, Character party, Bridal
Showers, Super Bowl, Baby Showers, Wedding or a holiday event like Christmas, Hanukkah or Halloween remember to include light sticks and Turn Out the Lights!
About the Author
Mrs. Party... Gail Leino is the internet's leading authority on giving the best possible party, using proper etiquette and manners while also teaching organizational skills and fun facts.